[She continues staring at the ceiling, not once looking away.]
I'm happy for my friends that get to go home. They're better off there. Part of me misses them, but I also know that it's wrong to want them here. But a part of me is also insanely jealous...
[Her voice gets a little harsher, though it's not directed at anything specific.]
I know there's nothing I can do but to keep my head up and keep going, but it's so tiring sometimes. It's like every time I get close to someone here, they get pulled away.
And more than anything, Liz I...[She closes her eyes and covers them with one hand.]
[Without saying a word, Liz hooks her arm around Jacqueline, pulling her over a little closer. C'mere.]
You're allowed to feel that way, Jackie.
You can scream, cry or beat the crap out of things until you're out of breath, if that will help you feel better. I wouldn't fault you for it. Ever.
[She gently pats her hand against Jacqueline's arm.]
And I know how you feel. I don't act like it really bugs me, but... I miss Patti too.
[Liz looks over with an awkward smile.] ...and she's not the only one. There are some people from other worlds I've met, and some from ours that I miss almost just as much.
Especially Tsubaki. I think she is the only know who really knows how to handle BlackāStar.
[She leans in just a bit toward Liz, and sighs in exhaustion and chuckles humorlessly. ]
I really wish it would, but I just don't have the energy.
[She half heartedly returns the awkward smile, unused to sharing her emotions like this with Liz. It's nice though.]
I know what you mean...and I'm sure everyone feels the same. It's why I feel stupid for letting it get to me. Black*Star must feel the same about Tsubaki too...and Kid with Patti. It's just hard...
...and then there's...[She looks away before shifting her gaze directly to Liz now.]
What am I supposed to do without a meister? Being a weapon is my life. protecting Kim....fighting for Shibusen...I don't know what to do here anymore...I want to protect my friends here, and fight against the people here who would do them harm, but it's like I'm fighting with my eyes closed and one arm behind my back.
[There you go. It might be a little close for comfort, but sometimes--these things just feel kind of necessary.]
No one said you had to do everything at once.
[She puts her hand on Jacqueline's head, ruffling her hair a bit. Such an honest answer.]
I don't think it's stupid at all. Some guys... are just better at putting up a strong front, and dealing with it their own way. But sometimes... [Her tone becomes more serious.] ...something's gotta give.
[Liz frowns, listening to her explain. Even with her own meister here, man, does she know how that is.]
Try it with your ears plugged too. -- You're lucky enough to be able to feel and act like you should, Jackie. That's not just me acting jealous either, it's the truth. I can't even hold a real gun in my hand, let alone become one in a snap. That's been cut off for me, and somehow... I don't know how well things will go even when I can feel like a weapon again.
[The ruffle makes a small smile curve up on Jackie's expression. It's funny how easily Liz falls into big sister mode.]
I'm used to being one of those guys. I always had to be strong for Kim.
[She knows exactly what Liz means because she'd been there herself not too long ago. All those months and not being able to do a thing.]
I know I'm lucky to have that much now...I've just been overwhelmed lately. Talking...helps though. [She says it like it's a surprise and to some degree it is. It's weird how she and Liz didn't talk this much at home. They should.]
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timeasmymeasure
[Private]
Date: 2010-06-08 05:22 am (UTC)[She continues staring at the ceiling, not once looking away.]
I'm happy for my friends that get to go home. They're better off there. Part of me misses them, but I also know that it's wrong to want them here. But a part of me is also insanely jealous...
[Her voice gets a little harsher, though it's not directed at anything specific.]
I know there's nothing I can do but to keep my head up and keep going, but it's so tiring sometimes. It's like every time I get close to someone here, they get pulled away.
And more than anything, Liz I...[She closes her eyes and covers them with one hand.]
I miss Kim so much...
[Private]
Date: 2010-06-08 05:48 am (UTC)You're allowed to feel that way, Jackie.
You can scream, cry or beat the crap out of things until you're out of breath, if that will help you feel better. I wouldn't fault you for it. Ever.
[She gently pats her hand against Jacqueline's arm.]
And I know how you feel. I don't act like it really bugs me, but... I miss Patti too.
[Liz looks over with an awkward smile.] ...and she's not the only one. There are some people from other worlds I've met, and some from ours that I miss almost just as much.
Especially Tsubaki. I think she is the only know who really knows how to handle BlackāStar.
[Private]
Date: 2010-06-08 06:16 am (UTC)I really wish it would, but I just don't have the energy.
[She half heartedly returns the awkward smile, unused to sharing her emotions like this with Liz. It's nice though.]
I know what you mean...and I'm sure everyone feels the same. It's why I feel stupid for letting it get to me. Black*Star must feel the same about Tsubaki too...and Kid with Patti. It's just hard...
...and then there's...[She looks away before shifting her gaze directly to Liz now.]
What am I supposed to do without a meister? Being a weapon is my life. protecting Kim....fighting for Shibusen...I don't know what to do here anymore...I want to protect my friends here, and fight against the people here who would do them harm, but it's like I'm fighting with my eyes closed and one arm behind my back.
[Private]
Date: 2010-06-09 10:02 pm (UTC)No one said you had to do everything at once.
[She puts her hand on Jacqueline's head, ruffling her hair a bit. Such an honest answer.]
I don't think it's stupid at all. Some guys... are just better at putting up a strong front, and dealing with it their own way. But sometimes... [Her tone becomes more serious.] ...something's gotta give.
[Liz frowns, listening to her explain. Even with her own meister here, man, does she know how that is.]
Try it with your ears plugged too. -- You're lucky enough to be able to feel and act like you should, Jackie. That's not just me acting jealous either, it's the truth. I can't even hold a real gun in my hand, let alone become one in a snap. That's been cut off for me, and somehow... I don't know how well things will go even when I can feel like a weapon again.
It's not just the symmetry that's off here.
[Private]
Date: 2010-06-12 10:05 am (UTC)I'm used to being one of those guys. I always had to be strong for Kim.
[She knows exactly what Liz means because she'd been there herself not too long ago. All those months and not being able to do a thing.]
I know I'm lucky to have that much now...I've just been overwhelmed lately. Talking...helps though. [She says it like it's a surprise and to some degree it is. It's weird how she and Liz didn't talk this much at home. They should.]